Today, we expand our fun nonsense with three different types of selections to lose you money quicker than if you throw it away playing one weekend fantasy games. Before you throw away good money thinking you can be that one person in 20 million that makes a million dollars, and before you decide to lose it in the conventional way by playing the stock market, consider losing it this much more entertaining way.
Pardon us whilst we remove tongues from cheeks.
Seriously, just remember that these selections are worth less than what you pay for them. Use these only as something to either endorse your prior beliefs of convince you to pocket that extra change in your wallet and buy some nice flowers for your utmost.
Today, we have decided to go with five sides picks, seven 10-point teasers, and one stupendous Money Line parlay.
Did we mention this: DO NOT use these picks as your guide to lose all your money this weekend. How much will the PiRates wager this weekend? A big fat 0. We have chosen to go the flowers route; the payoff is so wonderful.
Sides
| Home | Visitor | Line | Our Pick |
| Syracuse | LSU | 24.5 | Syracuse |
| Carolina | New Orleans | 3 | Carolina |
| N. Y. Giants | Washington | 3 | N. Y. Giants |
| Baltimore | Cincinnati | 2.5 | Baltimore |
| Cleveland | Oakland | 3 | Cleveland |
10-Point Teasers
| Home | Visitor | Teaser | Pick | |
|
1
|
Washington | California | -14 | Washington |
| Baylor | Rice | 44.5 | Rice | |
| Charlotte | Florida Atlantic | -21.5 | Charlotte | |
|
2
|
Syracuse | LSU | -34.5 | Syracuse |
| Michigan | BYU | 15.5 | BYU | |
| Kentucky | Missouri | 12.5 | Missouri | |
|
3
|
Virginia | Boise St. | 7.5 | Boise St. |
| Notre Dame | Masachusetts | 19 | Notre Dame | |
| Ole Miss | Vanderbilt | 15 | Ole Miss | |
|
4
|
Dallas | Atlanta | 10 | Atlanta |
| Carolina | New Orleans | -7 | Carolina | |
| St. Louis | Pittsburgh | 10 | Pittsburgh | |
|
5
|
Miami | Buffalo | 12.5 | Buffalo |
| N. Y. Giants | Washington | -7 | N. Y. Giants | |
| Houston | Tampa Bay | -3 | Houston | |
|
6
|
Seattle | Chicago | 25.5 | Chicago |
| New England | Jacksonville | 4.5 | New England | |
| Baltimore | Cincinnati | 12.5 | Cincinnati | |
|
7
|
Cleveland | Oakland | -7 | Cleveland |
| Green Bay | Kansas City | -2.5 | Green Bay | |
| Minnesota | San Diego | 11 | San Diego |
Money Line Parlay
For those two or three of you that have read this far and do not know what a Money Line parlay is, we will tell you, but we will also wonder why you have read this far in the first place.
The Money Line allows you to select the winner of a particular game without having to worry about a point spread. However, since it is obvious that the favorite has a better chance to win the game than the underdog, you must pay a premium when you select the favorite to win the game. For example, this week New England is an overwhelming favorite to beat Jacksonville. The Money Line allows you to wager on New England to win the game by just one point and return money to you. However, the Money Line odds for this game at most Las Vegas books is: New England -1400 and Jacksonville +800. What this means is for every $1,400 you wager on New England at -1400, you can win $100 more than you wager. So, if you put down $1,400 on New England on a Money Line wager, you receive $1,500 if New England wins (Your original $1,400 plus $100 profit, which is a return on your investment of 7.1%). If you believe Jacksonville will upset the Patriots in Foxboro on Sunday and wager just $100 on the Jaguars to win the game, you stand to receive $900 (Your original $100 plus $800 profit) if Jacksonville wins.
A Money Line Parlay allows you to combine multiple games into one wager. Let’s say that you have 3 favorites you believe will all win and feel confident enough to lay down cash for one combined wager. For an example let’s use a possible 4-team Money Line Parlay for Sunday.
Houston is currently -280 vs. Tampa Bay
New England is currently -1400 vs. Jacksonville
Seattle is currently -1600 vs. Chicago
Green Bay is currently -320 vs. Kansas City
If you believe Houston, New England, Seattle, and Green Bay are certain winners and combine these four games into one wager, our parlay calculator says that for every $100 you wager, you will get back $203 (Your original $100 plus $103 profit) if the four teams all win. If just one of the four loses or ties, then you lose your $100.
Just for fun, what if you think New England and Seattle will win with 100% belief in your mind? What if you combine -1400 and -1600 into one wager? The payout on $100 wagered would be just $114. That is obviously a 14% return on your investment. Now remember that in your mind this is 100% winnable. Where else can you return 14% on an investment in one weekend? Ah, this is why there are so many broke individuals in Las Vegas, and why the books and casinos can build new and improved versions every few years. Who do you think wins the majority of these wagers?
Now that you have been warned, here is our super-duper 8-team Money Line Parlay for this week. This returns at a rate slightly better than 3-2 if it wins. For every $100 you wager on this parlay, if all eight teams win, your return is $251 (Your original $100 plus $151 profit).
And, here it is:
| Money Line Parlay | 8-team Parlay |
3-2 odds |
$151 payout for $100 |
| Favorite | Underdog | Odds | Must Win |
| Nebraska | Southern Miss. | -1400 |
Nebraska |
| Houston | Texas St. | -800 | Houston |
| Penn St. | San Diego St. | -800 | Penn St. |
| Western Kentucky | Miami (O) | -1150 | West Virginia |
| Georgia Southern | Idaho | -750 | Georgia Southern |
| South Carolina | Central Florida | -650 | South Carolina |
| Oregon | Utah | -500 | Oregon |
| Northwestern | Ball St. | -1200 | Northwestern |
Did we mention that we strongly advise you not to wager real money on any of our recommendations? Consider how much you paid for this information. The sharpest of the sharp bettors make consistent profit during football season. Do they look at our recommendations? Okay, Billy, if you are reading this, please let us know.
The Pi-Rate Ratings 